When To Take A Pass…

There’s an important prevention I sometimes use when facilitating critical group meetings. It’s a ground rule I call ‘No Me-Too Stories’. You’ve probably all experienced it. Someone tells a story in a group meeting. The story helps make the person’s point. Next thing you know, another person chimes in with their story. Then another. Rarely do the subsequent stories add much value—not adding much new perspective or insight. It’s just people expressing themselves—in the form of ‘me-too’ stories—that largely serve the storytellers own personal needs. The intentions behind the stories may be good and it may make the person telling the story feel good, but rarely does it help the group advance its objectives.

There are lots of reasons why people become dissatisfied with the quality of their meetings. Amongst the most maddening aspects? The pointless human drama!

How often have you observed:

• Joe interjecting some arcane point of fact that not only adds little value, but knocks the speaker (and sometimes the group) off course?
• Barb offering a not-so-subtle counter-point each time Laura speaks up — making no real attempt to hide her disdain for Laura. The group finds this exacerbating while sapping their energy.
• Danny offering a strongly held opinion on a subject on which he has virtually no technical expertise,  nor experience. This starts an unnecessary and contentious debate within the group.

The examples are endless. This isn’t to suggest that you don’t want to hear from people—because you do. But it does go to illustrate that professionals speak up in an appropriate way and in a way that adds value. That’s really the point here – professionals add value. Whether it be in a meeting or elsewhere, professionals know when to bite their tongue, when to take one for the team, when they’re starting to be too clever for their own good, and, yes, even when to express outrage. Having people ‘show up’ as professionals can sometimes be as important, if not more so, than ground rules in a meeting’s effectiveness — not that they’re mutually exclusive.

Next time you’re in a meeting and you feel compelled to ‘chime–in’, first ask yourself:

• what’s my intention?  (to look good or to add value?)
• will the group feel that they’re better off as a result of having heard from me?
• is this something a trusted professional would bring up at this moment, under these circumstances?

If, after considering these questions, you’re comfortable—go for it, speak up. On the other hand, if you have doubts — perhaps it’s better to take a pass.