Tag: Mind-Set #3

Example Three–“I Know”–From ‘Do You Know The Code?’

Have you ever…

***shared with your teenager your concerns about the perils of under-age drinking and driving?

***expressed your outrage to the check-out clerk about the skyrocketing cost of groceries?

***complained to your neighbor about how the country is going to hell?

And how many times have you gotten “I know” as a response?

“I know” is often code for ‘I don’t want to hear it.’ It’s largely a polite response, but one that doesn’t necessarily imply agreement. Maybe the person is uncomfortable with the subject or maybe they’re tired of your rants or maybe their response has been triggered by something else entirely.

The person isn’t saying ‘shut up’…isn’t telling you to ‘go away!’ — but sometimes that’s what they’re thinking. The person wants to change the subject or change their circumstance (e.g. like ditching you).

Of course this plays out in the workplace too.

***Your boss says “I know” the moment you open your mouth about why project XX should be an organizational priority.

***Your colleague says “I know” at the end of your explanation for the rational you used in hiring the non-traditional candidate who turned out to be an all-star.

***Your assistant says “I know” as you recite some arcane of piece of information you gleaned off the internet earlier that morning.

Each of these people is basically saying, “let’s move on…what you’re saying isn’t registering.”

Your boss is already convinced about the need for project XX, she wants to talk about ‘how’ the project moves forward. Your colleague is annoyed by your self-aggrandizement after hearing you tell the same hiring story (along with the implication of how clever you were) far too many times to count. And your assistant is basically telling you, “tell me something meaningful I don’t know”.

“I know” is code. It’s important to know the code!

What can we learn from this? When you hear “I know” it should tell you that you’re probably not getting through to the other person. In other words, you’re probably not having an impact with them.

To regain your interpersonal footing (and often credibility), you’ll need to shift gears. That might mean tuning in to the unspoken needs of the other party. Other times it means turning down our own rhetoric or asking more questions or just being a better listener. Or a million other things….

It’s true that an “I know” response may be prompted by the other person’s ‘stuff’ (i.e. their boredom, their impatience, their uneasiness, their sense of superiority, or a host of other factors). In the end, it doesn’t matter…because, regardless of the reason, you’re still not having an impact.

That said, if you’re on the receiving end of an “I know” response too often, you’re likely doing something that’s prompting it. The desire to change that situation starts with mind-set #3 (things get better when I do). From there, you’ve got to figure out what it is you need to change to get a different response. Our next post will share some helps.

This Is The Way We Do It

My daughter Heidi recently returned from a much-anticipated backpacking trip. She and her friend had a great time—seeing some spectacular scenery in-and-around the Grand Canyon. For Heidi, it was the first time she had backpacked with this particular friend.

Just as it’s important to have a good ‘fit’ for employees within organizations—so it is with backpacking partners. Backpacking philosophies can be vastly different among aficionados. Some type ‘A’s obsess over meeting high-mileage targets while others like a more leisurely experience—stopping regularly to smell the roses or to take a dip in a pristine lake.

Philosophies also differ widely on food. Some prefer to make back country banquets (involving a great deal of time and energy to prepare, plus the ingredients weigh a lot) versus the minimalist (who prefers to keep meals simple and save themselves from hauling around an extra ten pounds.)

Heidi is a minimalist. She was originally introduced to that approach from me—and she came to believe in it through a variety of experiences in the back country. First night on her trip, Heidi was in charge of dinner. Her friend was aghast when Heidi pulled out the pouches of freeze dried food that—when rehydrated with boiling water —would soon be their dinner.

“I’ve never eaten that stuff before”, her friend scowled. “You know when out on the trail….” and she continued to go on at nauseam about the scrumptious three course meals she was accustomed to. Of course, by implication that meant Heidi’s approach was substandard—one that surely didn’t hold muster. Her friend suddenly seemed to have a serious case of buyer’s remorse in agreeing to come on the trip. She just wouldn’t let the food thing alone. Finally Heidi said, “Look…this is the way we do it in my family!”

A short time later dinner was ready. Heidi’s friend reluctantly tried it. A few minutes later she sheepishly blurted out how much she loved it—noting that her impressions about specialty freeze-dried backpacking food were just flat wrong. This experience, she concluded, would dramatically change her approach to backpacking. It would enable her to significantly lighten her pack (by off-loading heavy, bulky food items) and make meal preparation a snap. To her, this turned out to be a big deal!

Fortunately Heidi’s friend came to realize that the way she was accustomed to backpacking had room for improvement. She was thrilled with her new insight—although a little embarrassed she came to it so reluctantly.

Unfortunately, “this is the way we do it” is a well-worn catch-phrase in some organizations that can be an indicator of a bias for the status quo. For example, take the recent experience of a colleague friend of mine. He recently took an executive position with a well-known financial services firm. He’s smart as a whip and is a zealot when it comes to improving things. He’s very savvy—especially politically—to know when to back-off and when to ‘floor it’.

His on-boarding process revealed several opportunities for improvements. When he approached his senior officer about the improvements he envisioned he received a lukewarm response. He was told, “that’s the way we do it”. The message was code for “hey buddy, we ain’t changing—back off”. He did.

The firm never really realized any new perspectives from this executive because they weren’t open to it. It also appeared that the firm didn’t believe it had much need for improvement—‘their way’ was just fine, thank you. The firm never realized the equivalent ‘backpacking moment’ that my daughter’s friend had—realizing that her own misconceptions were holding her back from having a much better outcome. What improvement opportunities they missed, we’ll never know. It’s unfortunate.

My antenna goes up when I hear someone say, “this is the way we do it”. Often it’s their tactful way of putting you off. My experience tells me that the person making the statement is more likely than not to be resistant to changing ‘their way” of doing things. Of course, this is merely my own observation—not a researched-based conclusion.

The good news is that are exceptions. We’ll address those in my very next post.

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Naiveté or Professionalism

Professionals know that things get better, when they get better (Mind-Set #3). That means the professional is constantly learning and improving…then learning and improving some more. The process never stops. That mind-set, in part, is what makes them a professional.

Seth Godin, one of the world’s most respected marketers and the world’s most popular bloggers, recently wrote about this very thing. Here’s a link to his post: http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2011/07/naive-or-professional.html Seth, who received an Advanced Readers Copy of The Power of Professionalism, spoke passionately about how ‘professionals’ were making such a big difference in Kenyan farming practices. When Seth says ‘professionals’ he doesn’t mean a hired gun (think: professor) from a prestigious ag school that comes in to save the day. He means that the real farmer—you know, the overall clad guy who works the fields from sun up to sun down.

Seth’s biggest take-away? It wasn’t about teaching the farmer the technical stuff. Rather, it was about the importance of helping cultivate the farmers identity as a professional before teaching the technical stuff. He concluded that a lot of things naturally fall into place once you’re dealing with professionals.

This is precisely what we advocated in The Power of Professionalism. As Seth points out, it isn’t always easy to help someone become a professional . Yet it is essential for changing the mind-set of (what Seth calls) the naïve—someone who fails to take responsibility and fails to learn.

This is an important lesson for managers and leaders to remember. Before the change initiative, before the new product development, before the reorganization, before the technical stuff…cultivating professionalism in your people will make a challenging process naturally go much better.

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